I personally find it very hard to speak my mind. I have to be angry to say something and it’s usually something hurtful or nasty because I’m feeling vulnerable. I don’t know why that is, if I’m honest. It could be attributed to my past life experience and how I was brought up. What I was conditioned to.

I’m not very good at self analysis but I do acknowledge that I have a lot of issues to overcome and a lot of low self-esteem and paranoia.

It is quite ridiculous. I feel so oversensitive and vulnerable. I just want to have a purpose. I want to walk down a path and know that’s what I am meant to be doing with my life. That I am not disappointing my Father, or walking further and further away from His will. I feel stupid and childish and out of my depth and I don’t know what to do. I’m so clouded by disillusion and disappointment. I feel like a huge failure and entirely pointless, I don’t see how I can be precious at all. I want to know what God wants me to do because right now, all I can see are dead-ends.

I want to reach that moment where I can acutely feel, with everything in me that the fear of living without Jesus overwhelms the fear of having my heart broken again. I am God’s daughter, and there is nowhere I want to be more than by His side.

But I’m done hiding. I’m done being passive and expecting results to just land in my lap. I am a daughter of God and I am more than capable of doing life, one step at a time until our steps start aligning.

Overcoming difficulties are meant to be hard, otherwise there wouldn’t be growth.

2 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Hi!

    Thank you for your feedback! I’m so glad it has spoken to you in a personal way, that I’m hoping encourages you.

    I feel, as I grow, that it is so important to share who you are with others because so often everyone feels they are alone and struggling in vain but we’re not and there are many others out there going through the same drawbacks. There are also many others whom have gone through these issues and are on the other side, encouraging us to hold on and take one more step.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have written very well really appreciating that you are honest.. sometime it happen in life ups and down situation where we fell broken and alone.. but they left remarkable lesson in our life so we can compare good and bad.. thank you for sharing it seems that someone wrote my views


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