There is one of the worst feelings to be had and that is when we feel surplus.

This a disclaimer to emphasise that I am speaking directly to us in the Western world that is spoilt and greedy and very very self righteous; so please hold fire on comments about war torn countries, starving children, and dying AID victims. I’m not trying to brush aside the suffering of the world at large or demean other problems that we have in our society such as child abuse, chronic depression, homelessness or discrimination.

What my intended purpose for this entry is is the heart of God and the little I can understand and relate to on the basis of being His Child, His daughter and made in His image.

Now, the topic of conversation that has been a running theme for the last few months is my failed relationship. I ended my three year relationship earlier this year and I would be lying if I said I don’t miss him and at times want him back but the end of that relationship was a chance for growth and realignment.

There were many reasons as to why the relationship didn’t work out the way we both expected or wanted it to, reasons I won’t be going into bar one. My jealousy.

I have to admit being jealous took me quite by surprise as up to that point of becoming invested in our relationship, I hadn’t actually actively sought out to be with anyone prior to him and I hadn’t actively felt like I was losing out whilst I gaining.

Sometimes I would joke to God about definitely being His daughter, as we both seemed to suffer from bouts of jealousy but I have never really understood it until now. It is such a disheartening feeling, to love someone so deeply and yet feel like you are that extra bit baggage carried around but easily forgotten or overlooked.

For the empathy I have for my Father’s jealousy, I can’t even touch the tip of how God feels or thinks on the subject. He knows us so thoroughly that He knows how deep the wells of our self-devotion and idolatry run.

We are very good to running to His feet when we need something fixing or on the flip side, we’re experts at blaming Him for the things that go wrong in the world, including things that don’t affect us in the slightest.

What we’re not very good at is remembering Him on our day to day. On our okay moments. On our successes or even the small insignificant problems we face. Our routine.

Our faith in God, His Son Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit is only as strong and real as our relationship with Him is.

The difference between God’s jealousy and mine is that He knows that the idols we replace Him with are empty vessels that make no difference whilst God balm to the emptiness we need filled. He is the solution to our relationships. He is the redemption to our darkness. He is the way the truth and the life.

My truth is that my future husband doesn’t have to be with me to have a happy prospeous life.

God’s truth and thus the only truth we need to realise is that Jesus is the only way to have life.

So what’s it going to be? Are you in this relationship for a quick fix or do you want a lasting partnership that lasts all eternity?

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