I  have asked my Father for what I see being my future. I pray often about it because my feeling jump from calling me:

  • presumptuous
  • entitled
  • dreamer
  • undisciplined
  • undeserving
  • unqualified
  • unprepared
  • childish
  • foolish

I am my own worst enemy.

I am suffering from that common symptom us Christians seem to brood in of believing that God is a god of miracles and wonder and majesty and forgiveness… for everyone else but me.

You would think that by now after the miracles and answered prayers, I would get a hint.

It’s a very human trait to want and need and require and dream… if we’re honest enough with ourselves, when we take stock of who we are, we are also very aware of all our flaws and pitfalls. It makes it very difficult to have an honest relationship of give and take with others, specially a benevolent Father who knows us far better than we can know ourselves and still loves us despite all our darkness.

I want to believe my Father for my dreams and my heart’s desires but it is so hard when all I can see is all the heartbreak I can so easily create and then thoughts come up: why would He want to help add to the damage around? If I can’t seem to handle the little, why would He give me more? If I can’t seem to be able to focus long enough with one want, what makes me think I can follow through with other aspirations?

Then you think just let go, just let it all go. But that’s a bigger step of Faith that can ever be conquered.

So how do you draw in the strength of God? The strength He is so ready to pour into our hearts, minds and lives so that we can follow on the path that He designed for us.

How do we make our dreams a reality?

I want a large house that I didn’t pay for, with lots of room and lots of land.

I want horses and dogs.

I want children in every room.

I want muddy boots and summer camping trips.

I want cuddles by the fire and dinners around a large table.

I want summer lessons and adventures in the woods.

I want to soothe tantrums and draw smiles.

I want returned visits long after the children are no longer children.

I want hot chocolates and books scattered.

I want slow dances and messy laundry nights.

I want snowed in days and picnics in the sun.

I want love and laughter and acceptance long after I have given my last breath.

How do I get out of the way and let God do what His Will is for my future and my dreams? How do I let go and let God?

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